Yesterday and today have been all about pain. Internal pain. I wish there were some magic cure for depression like this. I feel death just breathing down my neck, waiting to pounce at any given moment. Suicide is not a pretty picture folks. I don't want to feel like this but I'm very weak to change things.
And speaking of change...
I have been learning lately - that all I really want is for people to accept me for WHO I AM NOW. Not for what they hope I will be like in the future.
I understand that I need improvement in some areas of my life. But if I am going to change, it is going to be for myself... NOT for anyone else! If I want to change.. I will. If not, it will never happen. I cannot live my life for anyone else. Things just don't work that way. It's MY choice what I want, how I want to be, and how I am going to be.
I am thankful for those few friends that I have that love me as I am - faults and all.
To everyone else who expects anything other than what they get from me.. screw you!!! I'm tired!!!
I'm a great person. I don't HAVE to be anything other than what I am. If you don't like me... fine. Don't like me! But stay the hell out of my life if you don't accept me as I am because I do not need pressure and I do NOT deserve to feel bad about myself just because I may not live up to someone else's expecatations of me.
I like me. AS IS. And yeah... I'm very angry right now.