Saturday, August 27, 2011

Money Isn't Everything...

I have been spoiled in the past. I grew up in Avon Lake, a BEAUTIFUL and somewhat wealthy little town. My dad made a ton of money so I never had to worry about anything. Then I got married at age 23, things got a little bit harder, but I did not have to give up any little luxuries like expensive makeup, or nice clothes, so in essence, I was still spoiled. Granted, I was working, but still, money was not a worry to me.

_______________  SIDE NOTE
Unfortunately, one beautiful late summer day, I got Lyme Disease while out one day in the Cuyahoga Valley area. I made the mistake of sitting in the grass with shorts on, and walla, a tiny little tick bit me on the ankle. Within a day or two, I got deathly ill. I was sick for months and it was the most terrifying experience of my life. I really truly thought I was going to die. I went to 4 different doctors and each of them could not figure out what was going on with me. I honestly believe that the only thing that made me better from that, was God. My grandmother saw me after months of my torture and said "You've been sick for too long... I'm going to pray for you honey, I'm worried about you." Within a couple of weeks of her praying, I made a miraculous recovery. - Or so I thought.

Lyme disease, if not treated right away, does disastrous things to the body. I was stuck with terrible joint pain, fainting spells, light sensitivity, and skin problems, memory problems, vision trouble, and horrible depression. All of these were issues when I had to deal with going to work at the various jobs I had. Most of the time, the problems were too much to bear and I would have to leave my jobs after a year or two.

Getting back to my job situations:

Having no college degree really hurt me as far as jobs go. I was never able to make enough money to live off of even when I was working full time busting my butt to the point of exhaustion. I did very hard work and had nothing to show for it. But, my husband was there to pick up the slack. He made good money. He has a college degree and an I.Q. that is bordering on genius! He never had any trouble making money.

After working at a crafting store for a year, a library for a while, then working in an office for a few years, and working at a veterinarian's office for a short time, I found my dream job. It did not pay well at all, and the work was probably the hardest physical work I've ever had to do, but, I loved it. Why? It was a no kill cat shelter. While working there I felt like I had a reason to live. I had a true sense of purpose that I had never felt before. I was doing some good for animals and, on top of that, my body looked great. Unfortunately after having spells where I would fall for no reason, and fainting issues, and debilitating depression, I left my dream job.

After that I came to the conclusion that I probably couldn't work. My husband realized that too, and he made enough money to support both of us. He did not have a problem with me not working. He saw the many ailments I was dealing with, and while he did not show any compassion towards me, he understood and tried the best he could to not force me to feel like I was an incompetent fool for not being able to handle a regular job.

Well, here it is, several years later. I'm now facing some of the hardest issues in my entire life. I still can't really work a regular job, and I can no longer rely on my husband's money. He is struggling as is, too.

This week, I have had to face the reality that I may lose my car - and I will not be able to buy another one. I just learned today that I may lose my phone - and I do not have the money to afford to keep it going. It seems that my luck has changed in life. I see everything going downhill and it frightens me.

Today I get to go out with friends, but it's embarrassing because I should be paying for the event, but I can't, so they are being kind and taking care of things for me. On top of that, one of my best friends, Liam, is driving me. Were it not for his kindness, I don't know how I would survive anything. He never judges me for my issues and problems, he only supports me.

Anyway, I'm scared today and sad. My anxiety is going through the roof. I have no health insurance and I need to get to a doctor.

But you know, I've been thinking, and, money isn't everything. There are so many other people out there that have it so much worse than me. People survive horrible circumstances every day.

So, with all this totally useless and unorganized babble, I have to say, thank God for my friends, and thank God that I have a few people that do care about me. I do not have a great life right now, but God does provide help for me in the form of angels on earth - those who reach out to me and help me mentally, and financially.

I'm trying to hold onto hope today. To have a better attitude. It probably won't last. Every day is a depressing challenge... but, anyway, money isn't everything.

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